Crushed

Well, things are definitely looking up for me now on the first day of school. I can't tell you how happy I felt today. Why? Well... I can't really post that. :P But, all I could tell you is that it's about a girl... again. Hm.

Remember, Queenswayans, when one of my posts was about a girl? And remember how my blog got trashed just because of that post, because I expressed my feelings for her? Like, people coming to my blog and spamming insults and threats and stuff. Boy, it was horrible. Girls can be so adorable... yet so terrifying at the same time. <_<" I hope I won't be making the same mistakes this time. I won't mention her name, just how I feel about her. That's probably not good enough to ensure that she won't find out, but... Sigh.

Maybe I should just forget about her. I mean, I almost forgot about how I felt about her until today, when she talked to me. I had almost forgot about her. Well, maybe not forget, but, at least I wasn't thinking about her as much as I am now. I couldn't afford another incident like that now... and neither could she afford a fan like me, either. We are going through a very perilous period, both of us. We simply couldn't let our emotions get the best of us. And she wouldn't allow it anyway. She's a good student. She won't let herself be bothered by matters of emotions and love.

Sigh. My mum was right. A crush is excruciating. That's why it's called a 'crush,' because it crushes you from the inside. Ugh. I hate this feeling. Sure, it feels wonderful for a while, but it's like heroine - it gets to you. It's virtual. Not that I didn't care about my crushes. I mean, 3 years already, and I still feel concern for Georgina, once my biggest crush. But, I guess that's why she rejected me, because it wouldn't be fair to the one I'm crushing on. She wouldn't know if I really care about her for who she is, not who she seems to be, the outer shell that got me infatuating over her.

I must have made her felt so bad, having her appealing appearance bringing some sort of curse over her social life. Heh. Guess I kinda deserved the trashing, but... my ego told me to retaliate. My human nature.

Ah well. I will laugh if I ever find my true love. Hmph. What a joke. Come on, dreamers. There aren't such things. Don't kid yourself. Even if you find a person who's really nice and everything, he/she will probably look as good as Patricia Mok (no offense to her fans and herself). That's the reality. No one looks that good and would be that nice to marry someone with, well, to put it simply, my looks. :P C'mon, let's face it - I'm no Tyrus. Queenswayans should remember him. Tall, dark and handsome. Well, tanned, not dark, but still, good looks.

My point is, true love? You guys should just forget about it, man. I know I would. I need to forget. I need to keep myelf numb till I complete my studies or something. I don't know. Sigh. Maybe it's just my lack of confidence, but, deep inside, I really hate crushes. I hate infatuations. I'm sick and tired of that. It's a nice dream, but I don't want to get hurt again upon awakening into reality. I should just stay awake.

Maybe I'll film about that someday. Till then, I just hope I could stay as her friend, and maybe become her good friend, for now.