Cloudy Days

So, the holidays are finally here... I should be happy, right? Not so much. First of all, I think I pretty much lost my circle of friends now after what I posted on Facebook - not that I care, of course, but it just kinda sucks. Then, there are loads of assignments just cramming up - all bullshit assignments, of course - leaving me no time to enjoy. And even if I want to enjoy, I don't have anyone to have fun with... Well, not anymore.

But, ah well, I have no regrets. I've always been like this. Primary School, Secondary School. Heck, even in Kindergarten. Mrs. Teo, my Secondary School counselor warned me about this. It's called 'distorted thinking.' It's when one's thoughts get... well, distorted. He'll get confused about some stuff and get the facts wrong. My assumption level is very high, too. So, basically, you could go right out and call me 'insane.' Well, Mrs. Teo wouldn't use that term. A few years ago, this 'condition' didn't reach a level that bad that would make one act like he's crazy or something. Now, I'm afraid it might be a-whole-nother story.

Yeah, so I'm blaming all my actions on a stupid condition. Sue me. It's not my fault I felt insecure. Of course, it was never 'my fault.' Heh. If only Jordan didn't leave me, maybe I would've at least felt a little bit about my pathetic self. That backstabbing bitch.

What am I to do now anyway? What can I do? Everytime I'm left alone or abandoned in some kind of manner, I feel jealous. I get all paranoid. I tried not to. I tried to kid myself and say that I don't feel like my friends have some sort of ill-intentions against me. But I knew the truth. Oh, god, did I know the truth alright.

Mrs. Teo said it was because I'm lack of love, that I needed to embrace the love of my parents or I'll always feel loveless. I'm afraid that by the time I'm able to talk to my father, both my folks will be dead. I could never love my father. That bastard. I don't care what people say, but making me feel worthless is unforgivable... not that I'm worth much, I guess.

So? What is Tang Wee Boon gonna do now? I've pretty much blew Guo Wei away, and now the rest of the pack are probably offensed by now. Ah well. Like they would understand. They are always like this - people. Uncaring, unrelatable. Each day, we lose more of our humanity, even if we don't blatantly show it as much as I do. Even the 'good people' are becoming more animalistic now. Hmph.

He was right - John Connor - or rather, the guy who wrote his lines... Cameron. We won't make it - people. It's in our nature to kill each other.