Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Fictitious Preview
Wee Boon Tang browsed through the web pages briskly, not giving two bits about their contents. He gave a sigh, as he watched another episode of K-On, season two, trying yet again to decipher the meaning behind the show.
That was when he noticed something. He clicked through the tabs on his Firefox browser, back to a few comments made regarding Mio. He gave a faint smile to himself as he read them again.
'Maybe it would be better if she never met any of them at all.' he thought to himself.
There, on his Macbook, Akiyama Mio sung to her heart's desires at the Culture Festival. It was episode 12 of Season One he was now watching, his favorite episode out of the show. It was when Mio's character still made sense to him.
"What are you doing?" a voice startled him. It was Akiyama Mio - or at least, his version of Kakifly's character - walking in Wee Boon's room all of the sudden.
It has been five years since Mio first walked in on Wee Boon's actions, how he had wrote a fan fiction based on an anime called K-On, and how she was fictitious, someone made-up to entertain, to amuse.
"Nothing," Wee Boon replied. "Just... browsing through some of the archives... your history."
"Hmph," Mio scoffed. "You mean the history of that whom I was cloned from. My original copy. Nothing in my highschool years is the same as portrayed in the show, remember?"
Mio recalled the types of torture Wee Boon had wrote her to be put through in highschool, how she was ruthlessly tortured till the point she had almost experienced total meltdown. Wee Boon called it a test to push her character. Mio called it a sick masturbation.
Over the course of five years - and a few therapy sessions held by Tang himself - Mio had came to accept this fate, believing his word that free will was truly granted to her upon her acknowledgment of her fictitious nature. So the writer assumed anyway, to the extent of his knowledge about fictional characters entering the real world.
He called it 'a new life' for her, where she is no longer controlled, her life no longer scripted. Appreciating that he had taken full responsibility for actions he unknowingly made, Mio naturally came to loosen her hatred towards 'God.'
"I know, I know," replied Tang with a sigh. "But you know, I still kept most aspects of the show the same in your life. I'm only human... and not a very good writer. I'll admit, writing Ritsu to be senselessly impulsive was a bad move... I know I can't undo that now but... I'm sorry."
Mio sighed as well. "Thanks for making her such a great friend, though."
"Yeah... great friend," murmured Wee Boon, his voice almost inaudible.
Gradually, Mio stepped behind Wee Boon's chair, watching the episode from behind as well. "That's during the Culture Festival, isn't it? When Yui had a fever..."
"And you had to take her place to sing upstage," interjected Wee Boon. "You were great..."
Mio blushed in response. "I... was just doing what was necessary."
"Yeah... you were..."
Later that afternoon, Wee Boon took a swig from his whiskey bottle, much to Caleb Chan's surprise.
Caleb Chan, Wee Boon Tang's real life childhood friend. Had always been a buddy to him. Almost like a brother.
"I thought you never drink," Caleb commented.
"Well, it's a good time to start now," replied Wee Boon.
"What's wrong?" inquired Caleb, standing up from the armchair in the living room.
Wee Boon shook his head. "Nothing. Just a few flame-baits that reminded me... how mediocre she really is."
Caleb sighed. "Come on, we've been through this many times. She's an essential character to the band."
"You ever think that's just what we like to think?" Wee Boon snapped back. "They said that Season Two was focused more on character development, yet Mio was barely developed at all. Initially, I thought it was just a missed opportunity. Now, I think it might be because Mio had nothing in her personality to be developed at all."
"Any proofs?" Caleb probed. "If you really think that this is what the truth really is, contrary to what might had been our misinterpretation of Mio's character, then show me some evidence."
"Well," Wee Boon continued, taking another swig from the bottle, "someone said that if not for Ritsu, Mio might not have met Yui and the rest in the first place. That got me thinking about how capable Ritsu was shown to be in Season Two. She never needed Mio... Mio was just a side-character from the start, made for moe."
Caleb rushed over to a stumbling Wee Boon. "Hey, come on... that's enough with the drink, alright? You're drunk."
To which Wee Boon lashed Caleb away. "I'm not drunk! I've been cheated! My feelings... Why did I like Mio in the first place?! She's just... filler!"
As Wee Boom fell to the floor in his state of drunkenness, Caleb stared down on his friend with disgust. "Look at you, brooding over a fictional character like this. Perhaps Mio should have never came to our world. Your feelings deepened for her when she did, didn't they? Hmph. It occurred to you that you could just go merrily with a fictional character turned real, but then you assumed she was not the girl you love in the first place..."
"It was not an assumption!"
"They were but a few comments on the Internet! It was all because you were never confident enough about her significance as a character, not because you found out the truth!" In anger, Caleb headed down to Wee Boon's level and grabbed onto his collar. "Where's the pessimistic Wee Boon I knew, huh? The one who claims that the truth is relative! That the truth is your own to seek!"
Again, he threw Caleb's arms away from him. "Leave me alone," he said, clambering up on his own to walk away.
"Where are you going?!"
"To kill myself!"
That was when he noticed something. He clicked through the tabs on his Firefox browser, back to a few comments made regarding Mio. He gave a faint smile to himself as he read them again.
'Maybe it would be better if she never met any of them at all.' he thought to himself.
There, on his Macbook, Akiyama Mio sung to her heart's desires at the Culture Festival. It was episode 12 of Season One he was now watching, his favorite episode out of the show. It was when Mio's character still made sense to him.
"What are you doing?" a voice startled him. It was Akiyama Mio - or at least, his version of Kakifly's character - walking in Wee Boon's room all of the sudden.
It has been five years since Mio first walked in on Wee Boon's actions, how he had wrote a fan fiction based on an anime called K-On, and how she was fictitious, someone made-up to entertain, to amuse.
"Nothing," Wee Boon replied. "Just... browsing through some of the archives... your history."
"Hmph," Mio scoffed. "You mean the history of that whom I was cloned from. My original copy. Nothing in my highschool years is the same as portrayed in the show, remember?"
Mio recalled the types of torture Wee Boon had wrote her to be put through in highschool, how she was ruthlessly tortured till the point she had almost experienced total meltdown. Wee Boon called it a test to push her character. Mio called it a sick masturbation.
Over the course of five years - and a few therapy sessions held by Tang himself - Mio had came to accept this fate, believing his word that free will was truly granted to her upon her acknowledgment of her fictitious nature. So the writer assumed anyway, to the extent of his knowledge about fictional characters entering the real world.
He called it 'a new life' for her, where she is no longer controlled, her life no longer scripted. Appreciating that he had taken full responsibility for actions he unknowingly made, Mio naturally came to loosen her hatred towards 'God.'
"I know, I know," replied Tang with a sigh. "But you know, I still kept most aspects of the show the same in your life. I'm only human... and not a very good writer. I'll admit, writing Ritsu to be senselessly impulsive was a bad move... I know I can't undo that now but... I'm sorry."
Mio sighed as well. "Thanks for making her such a great friend, though."
"Yeah... great friend," murmured Wee Boon, his voice almost inaudible.
Gradually, Mio stepped behind Wee Boon's chair, watching the episode from behind as well. "That's during the Culture Festival, isn't it? When Yui had a fever..."
"And you had to take her place to sing upstage," interjected Wee Boon. "You were great..."
Mio blushed in response. "I... was just doing what was necessary."
"Yeah... you were..."
~~~~~~
Later that afternoon, Wee Boon took a swig from his whiskey bottle, much to Caleb Chan's surprise.
Caleb Chan, Wee Boon Tang's real life childhood friend. Had always been a buddy to him. Almost like a brother.
"I thought you never drink," Caleb commented.
"Well, it's a good time to start now," replied Wee Boon.
"What's wrong?" inquired Caleb, standing up from the armchair in the living room.
Wee Boon shook his head. "Nothing. Just a few flame-baits that reminded me... how mediocre she really is."
Caleb sighed. "Come on, we've been through this many times. She's an essential character to the band."
"You ever think that's just what we like to think?" Wee Boon snapped back. "They said that Season Two was focused more on character development, yet Mio was barely developed at all. Initially, I thought it was just a missed opportunity. Now, I think it might be because Mio had nothing in her personality to be developed at all."
"Any proofs?" Caleb probed. "If you really think that this is what the truth really is, contrary to what might had been our misinterpretation of Mio's character, then show me some evidence."
"Well," Wee Boon continued, taking another swig from the bottle, "someone said that if not for Ritsu, Mio might not have met Yui and the rest in the first place. That got me thinking about how capable Ritsu was shown to be in Season Two. She never needed Mio... Mio was just a side-character from the start, made for moe."
Caleb rushed over to a stumbling Wee Boon. "Hey, come on... that's enough with the drink, alright? You're drunk."
To which Wee Boon lashed Caleb away. "I'm not drunk! I've been cheated! My feelings... Why did I like Mio in the first place?! She's just... filler!"
As Wee Boom fell to the floor in his state of drunkenness, Caleb stared down on his friend with disgust. "Look at you, brooding over a fictional character like this. Perhaps Mio should have never came to our world. Your feelings deepened for her when she did, didn't they? Hmph. It occurred to you that you could just go merrily with a fictional character turned real, but then you assumed she was not the girl you love in the first place..."
"It was not an assumption!"
"They were but a few comments on the Internet! It was all because you were never confident enough about her significance as a character, not because you found out the truth!" In anger, Caleb headed down to Wee Boon's level and grabbed onto his collar. "Where's the pessimistic Wee Boon I knew, huh? The one who claims that the truth is relative! That the truth is your own to seek!"
Again, he threw Caleb's arms away from him. "Leave me alone," he said, clambering up on his own to walk away.
"Where are you going?!"
"To kill myself!"
~~~~~~
In a certain kindergarten somewhere, Wee Boon had broken the unbreakable rule - he had entered the canon universe, the original Kakifly-made world of K-On. Any interference made here could mean the elimination of the existence of K-On, along with Mio. That's why he needed to be careful. He had to see the real Mio herself. To find out the truth, perhaps.
There, sitting in the sandbox, was three years old Akiyama Mio, sitting alone by herself before Tainaka Ritsu came along and teased her again. It tempted him to pull Ritsu away. It tempted him to make changes such that Ritsu would never bond with Mio, and leaving them strangers to each other. It would possibly mean the elimination of Mio's character, since Ritsu might still be able to establish the Keion Club on her own without Mio. And it might also mean less pain for himself, for his fan-made Mio, and for the real Mio herself, if Mio never existed.
He sighed, unable to do it, and he turned back to the inter-dimensional portal he had came from.
In a certain kindergarten somewhere, Wee Boon had broken the unbreakable rule - he had entered the canon universe, the original Kakifly-made world of K-On. Any interference made here could mean the elimination of the existence of K-On, along with Mio. That's why he needed to be careful. He had to see the real Mio herself. To find out the truth, perhaps.
There, sitting in the sandbox, was three years old Akiyama Mio, sitting alone by herself before Tainaka Ritsu came along and teased her again. It tempted him to pull Ritsu away. It tempted him to make changes such that Ritsu would never bond with Mio, and leaving them strangers to each other. It would possibly mean the elimination of Mio's character, since Ritsu might still be able to establish the Keion Club on her own without Mio. And it might also mean less pain for himself, for his fan-made Mio, and for the real Mio herself, if Mio never existed.
He sighed, unable to do it, and he turned back to the inter-dimensional portal he had came from.
~~~~~~
Sakura High. Wee Boon had headed forward in time in the canon universe. This time, he observed the highschool Akiyama Mio. Again, as he had interpreted, Ritsu and the others looked happy on their own, even without the company of Mio. He had remembered what people said...
'Mio is such a boring character.'
'Mediocre, there's nothing interesting about her.'
Sighing again, he left, too weak-willed to take the harsh actions. He turned around, and saw Caleb standing in front of him.
"What are you doing here?" Wee Boon shot.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Caleb answered. "You know better than to interfere with the canon universe."
"I didn't interfere with shit," snapped back Wee Boon, walking pass Caleb's shoulder.
"Well... I did."
Immediately, Wee Boon pinned Caleb against the wall. "You did what?!"
"Relax," said Caleb, raising his hands in front of Wee Boon. "This world still exists, doesn't it? And I assume that Ritsu and the others are still in the clubroom... without Mio, that is."
Quickly, Wee Boon ran back to the window he had gazed through before. It was as Caleb said, the Mio that had sat by the corner on her own was not there anymore, nor anywhere in the room itself.
"What did you do?!"
"Don't worry. She still exists. She's just not a friend of HTT anymore, or remember any of those bitches in there."
"What happened to her?!"
"Why don't you take a look yourself?"
Sakura High. Wee Boon had headed forward in time in the canon universe. This time, he observed the highschool Akiyama Mio. Again, as he had interpreted, Ritsu and the others looked happy on their own, even without the company of Mio. He had remembered what people said...
'Mio is such a boring character.'
'Mediocre, there's nothing interesting about her.'
Sighing again, he left, too weak-willed to take the harsh actions. He turned around, and saw Caleb standing in front of him.
"What are you doing here?" Wee Boon shot.
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Caleb answered. "You know better than to interfere with the canon universe."
"I didn't interfere with shit," snapped back Wee Boon, walking pass Caleb's shoulder.
"Well... I did."
Immediately, Wee Boon pinned Caleb against the wall. "You did what?!"
"Relax," said Caleb, raising his hands in front of Wee Boon. "This world still exists, doesn't it? And I assume that Ritsu and the others are still in the clubroom... without Mio, that is."
Quickly, Wee Boon ran back to the window he had gazed through before. It was as Caleb said, the Mio that had sat by the corner on her own was not there anymore, nor anywhere in the room itself.
"What did you do?!"
"Don't worry. She still exists. She's just not a friend of HTT anymore, or remember any of those bitches in there."
"What happened to her?!"
"Why don't you take a look yourself?"
~~~~~~
Somewhere in an apartment building, Akiyama Mio was typing away on her computer. She was writing a story, a romance novel, quietly, with a smile on her face.
"What happened to her?" Wee Boon asked, secretly gazing from the window by Mio's room.
"I stopped Ritsu from helping her out when she was feeling down about having to read that composition. Mio never read it, too embarrassed to even stand up on stage. She hid herself all the way through."
"So you made her an even bigger coward than before..."
"Just watch, Wee Boon."
Suddenly, a man came into the room, smiling. Not Flare. Somebody else. Somebody Wee Boon doesn't recognize at all. And he was sneaking up behind Mio.
"Mio's in trouble!" he panicked, only to be held down by Caleb behind.
"Relax, Romeo. Just watch."
When the man embraced Mio from behind, however, she smiled in return, returning a hug back.
"What's going on?"
"It's her boyfriend, you moron. She's happy now, blissfully indulging herself in her own world of romance... just like you wanted."
A tear came to Wee Boon's eye. "Heh... so I guess this makes fan-made Mio..."
"Just a fragment of your imagination, yes. I know I shouldn't have toyed with real people, but I had to try. I was going to try my best to revert everything if shit went down."
"Is she really happy? She might be just pretending."
"Come on, this is still the Kakifly/KyoAni universe we're talking about her. They aren't gonna pair her up with an abusive boyfriend like those silly H-doujins."
"Just make her live behind an illusion that seems like happiness, but it's happiness without reason..."
"Does it really matter? Look at how happy they both are - and they are going to be like this for the rest of their lives. Happily ever after, remember?"
"This is not true happiness..."
"And what Mio had experienced in the Keion Club is? Her friendship with Ritsu was something she had assumed to be happy, you know that. It was just support, to give herself an excuse to smile, to be stronger."
"Still... I want to make sure Mio is really not..."
"Being held hostage as a girlfriend under that jerk's will? Heh. You could always just pretend to be her father's close friend and ask her yourself. Her father seems to be taking several business trips recently, so the sudden appearance of his friend might not be that startling."
"...Alright."
Somewhere in an apartment building, Akiyama Mio was typing away on her computer. She was writing a story, a romance novel, quietly, with a smile on her face.
"What happened to her?" Wee Boon asked, secretly gazing from the window by Mio's room.
"I stopped Ritsu from helping her out when she was feeling down about having to read that composition. Mio never read it, too embarrassed to even stand up on stage. She hid herself all the way through."
"So you made her an even bigger coward than before..."
"Just watch, Wee Boon."
Suddenly, a man came into the room, smiling. Not Flare. Somebody else. Somebody Wee Boon doesn't recognize at all. And he was sneaking up behind Mio.
"Mio's in trouble!" he panicked, only to be held down by Caleb behind.
"Relax, Romeo. Just watch."
When the man embraced Mio from behind, however, she smiled in return, returning a hug back.
"What's going on?"
"It's her boyfriend, you moron. She's happy now, blissfully indulging herself in her own world of romance... just like you wanted."
A tear came to Wee Boon's eye. "Heh... so I guess this makes fan-made Mio..."
"Just a fragment of your imagination, yes. I know I shouldn't have toyed with real people, but I had to try. I was going to try my best to revert everything if shit went down."
"Is she really happy? She might be just pretending."
"Come on, this is still the Kakifly/KyoAni universe we're talking about her. They aren't gonna pair her up with an abusive boyfriend like those silly H-doujins."
"Just make her live behind an illusion that seems like happiness, but it's happiness without reason..."
"Does it really matter? Look at how happy they both are - and they are going to be like this for the rest of their lives. Happily ever after, remember?"
"This is not true happiness..."
"And what Mio had experienced in the Keion Club is? Her friendship with Ritsu was something she had assumed to be happy, you know that. It was just support, to give herself an excuse to smile, to be stronger."
"Still... I want to make sure Mio is really not..."
"Being held hostage as a girlfriend under that jerk's will? Heh. You could always just pretend to be her father's close friend and ask her yourself. Her father seems to be taking several business trips recently, so the sudden appearance of his friend might not be that startling."
"...Alright."
~~~~~~
Later, while walking the street on her own, ever so shy and clutching onto her body, Akiyama Mio was suddenly approached by Wee Boon Tang - much to her surprise, of course.
"Wha-what do you want?" she protested defensively.
"Relax, relax," he raised his hands in defense, "I'm... just a close friend of your father's."
Surprisingly, she dropped her panic attack, taking the bait that he had set. "Really?"
"Yeah... Heh. Your father's been worried. He wanted me to check up on you."
A grimace came to Mio's face. It was clear that she had missed her father. "Papa..."
Later, while walking the street on her own, ever so shy and clutching onto her body, Akiyama Mio was suddenly approached by Wee Boon Tang - much to her surprise, of course.
"Wha-what do you want?" she protested defensively.
"Relax, relax," he raised his hands in defense, "I'm... just a close friend of your father's."
Surprisingly, she dropped her panic attack, taking the bait that he had set. "Really?"
"Yeah... Heh. Your father's been worried. He wanted me to check up on you."
A grimace came to Mio's face. It was clear that she had missed her father. "Papa..."
~~~~~~
"So he hasn't returned for a month now, huh?"
"He did write to mama just last week. But I'm not sad... I know he's busy with his work."
"You mean you are pretending not to be sad."
"What?"
"Your father told me lots about you, showed me some of your photos. It was clear you are trying to restrain your feelings, putting up a mature appearance to fit in this world, right?"
Gently, she nodded slightly.
"Don't worry. I'll make this quick. He just asked me to come here to make sure your boyfriend's an okay guy..."
"Don't worry. Aneko loves me very much." Her smile seemed genuine, the same smile she had during her previously existing club activities. "He cares about me, and he doesn't force me to change, to love me for who I am."
That was when Wee Boon came to a sudden stop, causing Mio to turn around.
"Is something wrong?"
"Huh? Oh, no. I was just... thinking of my... erm, ex-girlfriend." He began walking down the path with her again.
"Wha-what about her?"
"I... tried forcing her to change. I wanted to make her stronger. Heh. Turns out that I was wrong about who she really was. I didn't quite understand her enough in the first place... She was just an insignificant person..."
"No person is insignificant in this world. Why did you even like her in the first place if she's not the person you like?"
"Because I had thought that she was just too insecure about herself to help the people she loves... I had thought that she had only lacked the confidence to love... not that she never really love people."
"Your ex-girlfriend sounds like a real selfish person."
"Not selfish, Mio. Indifferent. Acedia. I don't know anymore... I feel indifferent towards her each day myself, too."
"Maybe you should just try and forget about her..."
"Yeah, maybe."
"So he hasn't returned for a month now, huh?"
"He did write to mama just last week. But I'm not sad... I know he's busy with his work."
"You mean you are pretending not to be sad."
"What?"
"Your father told me lots about you, showed me some of your photos. It was clear you are trying to restrain your feelings, putting up a mature appearance to fit in this world, right?"
Gently, she nodded slightly.
"Don't worry. I'll make this quick. He just asked me to come here to make sure your boyfriend's an okay guy..."
"Don't worry. Aneko loves me very much." Her smile seemed genuine, the same smile she had during her previously existing club activities. "He cares about me, and he doesn't force me to change, to love me for who I am."
That was when Wee Boon came to a sudden stop, causing Mio to turn around.
"Is something wrong?"
"Huh? Oh, no. I was just... thinking of my... erm, ex-girlfriend." He began walking down the path with her again.
"Wha-what about her?"
"I... tried forcing her to change. I wanted to make her stronger. Heh. Turns out that I was wrong about who she really was. I didn't quite understand her enough in the first place... She was just an insignificant person..."
"No person is insignificant in this world. Why did you even like her in the first place if she's not the person you like?"
"Because I had thought that she was just too insecure about herself to help the people she loves... I had thought that she had only lacked the confidence to love... not that she never really love people."
"Your ex-girlfriend sounds like a real selfish person."
"Not selfish, Mio. Indifferent. Acedia. I don't know anymore... I feel indifferent towards her each day myself, too."
"Maybe you should just try and forget about her..."
"Yeah, maybe."
~~~~~~
"So? How did the talk go?" inquired Caleb, resting by one side of Wee Boon's bed in his bedroom.
"Well, nothing out of the ordinary. Seems like she's indeed happy with her life, if not a little..."
"What?"
"Mundane. Boring... er. Possibly worse than the original Mio who met Ritsu."
"Well, at least she's happy. And it seems that fan-made Mio, along with the rest of your characters are gone, too. Ritsu and everyone. You are free from the responsibility."
"Yeah..."
Together, they rested on the bed in quietness, wondering about their actions, if what they had done was indeed better.
"Why did you write Fictitious?"
"Come on, I told you. I wanted to make Mio grow."
"No, no. Why did you consistently write the story without fail, without any hesitation?"
"Because I... wanted to make sure Mio gets a proper happy ending she deserves."
"You're still not answering my question. Why did you stay with Mio these five years, watching out for her?"
Wee Boon brewed a small smile. "Because I wanted to have a good time with the Mio I love, the Mio I envisioned..."
"Your creation. God's creation."
"Indeed."
Suddenly, Caleb got up and placed a hand on Wee Boon's shoulder. "Remember when you were young, you always wanted to go on adventures with a girlfriend?"
"I was 6, Caleb."
"Yeah... Well, you were a big Pixar fan just seven years ago, before you even heard of K-On. You loved those stories, because they were the nicest characters you've ever saw, full of friendship and love for each other."
"What's your point?"
"A story, in essence, is just to entertain, but the characters themselves bond with the audience to relate with their humanity inside. Does it really matter what Mio was created for? Your version of Mio was a person you love. Sure, real people might not actually love as passionately as she did in your story, but god, don't you see how awesome this gift was? She became a real person for crying out loud! How many times did we ever wish that the real world is more like the fictitious one, full of people that love as unrealistically as them?"
"Yeah, well, it's too late now."
"No, I could still perform proper revert on the canon universe... if you want me to."
"What?"
"I could still ensure that I never interfered in the first place, bring Ritsu and Mio together. The problem is that the mediocre Mio you hated would exist as a popular character once again, milked of her moeness, making her more than an annoyance than the lovey-dovey Mio that's with Aneko now. However, it would also ensure that fan-made Mio returns, as if nothing had happened, and you could continue testing her, nurturing her into the character you had wanted."
"I don't know..."
"You still have the power over your fan-made universe. Did you remember the joy we had while watching those old Disney cartoons back then? They were so distanced from being related to real people... just like your Mio. The joy we had was from seeing an awesome character, someone we could only dream about to be, thrive in a dream-like universe, something we could escape from reality to."
"Hmph. You mean like Kakifly Ritsu and Yui? They were crazy fellows but... they were better people than Mio could ever be."
"Only because Kakifly made her that way. If Kakifly had the same intention as you, Wee Boon, to make a character like fan-made Mio, someone whom they could actually develop like Ritsu and Yui rather than drown in a moe-blob madness, Mio would've had the same amount of significance as the other two. Fan-made Mio proved it."
"But the truth might be that we are still playing 'Pretend' like back when we were 6."
"Yeah well, some idiot told me once that the truth is relative. I still believe that idiot."
Wee Boon smirked. "Pfft. Who are you calling an idiot, you idiot?"
"Well, then, Wee Boon, I best be taking my leave. Call me when you decided whether to do the revert or not."
After Caleb left, he dived into a deep series of thoughts to make the best decision he could. He had dreamed of giving Mio the true definition of happiness he had envisioned, to be fully able to appreciate her life, her beauty, after the storm. Growth after pain. The Mio of Kakifly might never be able to be anything more than a moe-blob, but that had nothing to do with him, he realized. This was not Kakify's Mio. This was his Mio, his story, his world. And He is the God of this world.
One day, he shall be able to grant that true happy ending for Mio using his own means. With a click of a button on his phone, he made his decision to live on to see that day.
"So? How did the talk go?" inquired Caleb, resting by one side of Wee Boon's bed in his bedroom.
"Well, nothing out of the ordinary. Seems like she's indeed happy with her life, if not a little..."
"What?"
"Mundane. Boring... er. Possibly worse than the original Mio who met Ritsu."
"Well, at least she's happy. And it seems that fan-made Mio, along with the rest of your characters are gone, too. Ritsu and everyone. You are free from the responsibility."
"Yeah..."
Together, they rested on the bed in quietness, wondering about their actions, if what they had done was indeed better.
"Why did you write Fictitious?"
"Come on, I told you. I wanted to make Mio grow."
"No, no. Why did you consistently write the story without fail, without any hesitation?"
"Because I... wanted to make sure Mio gets a proper happy ending she deserves."
"You're still not answering my question. Why did you stay with Mio these five years, watching out for her?"
Wee Boon brewed a small smile. "Because I wanted to have a good time with the Mio I love, the Mio I envisioned..."
"Your creation. God's creation."
"Indeed."
Suddenly, Caleb got up and placed a hand on Wee Boon's shoulder. "Remember when you were young, you always wanted to go on adventures with a girlfriend?"
"I was 6, Caleb."
"Yeah... Well, you were a big Pixar fan just seven years ago, before you even heard of K-On. You loved those stories, because they were the nicest characters you've ever saw, full of friendship and love for each other."
"What's your point?"
"A story, in essence, is just to entertain, but the characters themselves bond with the audience to relate with their humanity inside. Does it really matter what Mio was created for? Your version of Mio was a person you love. Sure, real people might not actually love as passionately as she did in your story, but god, don't you see how awesome this gift was? She became a real person for crying out loud! How many times did we ever wish that the real world is more like the fictitious one, full of people that love as unrealistically as them?"
"Yeah, well, it's too late now."
"No, I could still perform proper revert on the canon universe... if you want me to."
"What?"
"I could still ensure that I never interfered in the first place, bring Ritsu and Mio together. The problem is that the mediocre Mio you hated would exist as a popular character once again, milked of her moeness, making her more than an annoyance than the lovey-dovey Mio that's with Aneko now. However, it would also ensure that fan-made Mio returns, as if nothing had happened, and you could continue testing her, nurturing her into the character you had wanted."
"I don't know..."
"You still have the power over your fan-made universe. Did you remember the joy we had while watching those old Disney cartoons back then? They were so distanced from being related to real people... just like your Mio. The joy we had was from seeing an awesome character, someone we could only dream about to be, thrive in a dream-like universe, something we could escape from reality to."
"Hmph. You mean like Kakifly Ritsu and Yui? They were crazy fellows but... they were better people than Mio could ever be."
"Only because Kakifly made her that way. If Kakifly had the same intention as you, Wee Boon, to make a character like fan-made Mio, someone whom they could actually develop like Ritsu and Yui rather than drown in a moe-blob madness, Mio would've had the same amount of significance as the other two. Fan-made Mio proved it."
"But the truth might be that we are still playing 'Pretend' like back when we were 6."
"Yeah well, some idiot told me once that the truth is relative. I still believe that idiot."
Wee Boon smirked. "Pfft. Who are you calling an idiot, you idiot?"
"Well, then, Wee Boon, I best be taking my leave. Call me when you decided whether to do the revert or not."
After Caleb left, he dived into a deep series of thoughts to make the best decision he could. He had dreamed of giving Mio the true definition of happiness he had envisioned, to be fully able to appreciate her life, her beauty, after the storm. Growth after pain. The Mio of Kakifly might never be able to be anything more than a moe-blob, but that had nothing to do with him, he realized. This was not Kakify's Mio. This was his Mio, his story, his world. And He is the God of this world.
One day, he shall be able to grant that true happy ending for Mio using his own means. With a click of a button on his phone, he made his decision to live on to see that day.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
The Cold Net and Hope
What a weird period of time it has been for me. I got obsessed with anime - something which I didn't give much damn about back then - I began interacting more with philosophy just for the fun of it - rather than just for the sake of gaining a higher level of intellect - and I removed my ego to beg. Heh.
Probably the toughest act I could have ever done. Well, maybe not. When you are as desperate as I was back there, you would've probably found it easy to beg, too, even if you are a big egoistical prick like me.
I'm still slacking in terms of my academic. I know, I know, it ain't gonna go well for me if I keep this up. I just... need something. Like a sign. The proper sign to get me going.
Recently joined the forum of MyAnimeList (though I first used it a year ago). Recently got banned from it. Was told that it's not a permanent ban after I begged the Hell outta a moderator to confirm it with me. Probably would my ban to six months for annoying the Hell outta her. Admins and Mods of forums with their obsession with power. Go figure.
I was a mod of a Chatbox once, so I could relate. It drives you to be irresponsible when you have this much power, especially tempting when there are not many consequences out there when you abuse it. Nobody gives a damn. It's the fucking Internet. Live with it, Mr. James. Welcome to the fucking Internet.
I'd probably still be brooding over when the ban is gonna end. After one month. Or two months. Or three. I'd look out for a hope that would probably never come. Yet, I was given hope, so I'd look out for it.
Hope is much more comforting than the truth, after all. And I sorta know what the truth is.
That mod was probably just bullshitting with me. But I'll remain hopeful, just for the sake of it. I'll be doubtful every now and then, but I'll entrust Him, the man above, to carry me along this trying period. I'm not the average kind of Christian you'd find, but you know that I do believe. Just... we all need time. I just hope it won't be too late when I finally connect with you.
With that, I look out for a hopeful holiday. Hope all things would go well.
Hopefully.
Probably the toughest act I could have ever done. Well, maybe not. When you are as desperate as I was back there, you would've probably found it easy to beg, too, even if you are a big egoistical prick like me.
I'm still slacking in terms of my academic. I know, I know, it ain't gonna go well for me if I keep this up. I just... need something. Like a sign. The proper sign to get me going.
Recently joined the forum of MyAnimeList (though I first used it a year ago). Recently got banned from it. Was told that it's not a permanent ban after I begged the Hell outta a moderator to confirm it with me. Probably would my ban to six months for annoying the Hell outta her. Admins and Mods of forums with their obsession with power. Go figure.
I was a mod of a Chatbox once, so I could relate. It drives you to be irresponsible when you have this much power, especially tempting when there are not many consequences out there when you abuse it. Nobody gives a damn. It's the fucking Internet. Live with it, Mr. James. Welcome to the fucking Internet.
I'd probably still be brooding over when the ban is gonna end. After one month. Or two months. Or three. I'd look out for a hope that would probably never come. Yet, I was given hope, so I'd look out for it.
Hope is much more comforting than the truth, after all. And I sorta know what the truth is.
That mod was probably just bullshitting with me. But I'll remain hopeful, just for the sake of it. I'll be doubtful every now and then, but I'll entrust Him, the man above, to carry me along this trying period. I'm not the average kind of Christian you'd find, but you know that I do believe. Just... we all need time. I just hope it won't be too late when I finally connect with you.
With that, I look out for a hopeful holiday. Hope all things would go well.
Hopefully.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Insanity
Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's my problem. I don't know anymore. So many thoughts. What am I supposed to do?
I am probably going to sound very insane and very emo in my following post, but, I don't care. I just don't understand anything. I'm... lost.
I asked myself just now in class, if it was just my own selfish thoughts, or if Chester and the others were really treating me differently than the others. It's like, I was just another classmate. I know Samuel and I had a recent argument, but Chester? Of all the people, I thought he'd be better. Instead, he's just... influenced, by Samuel. It's like he's a different person when he talks to Samuel.
Not that he's not supposed to be happy and should be filled with sadness every second of his life like a certain little emo freak writing this post... but, I just feel that even he was distancing me. I don't know. I just feel so... different.
I shouldn't think about them, it makes me sink into a deep depression. They don't give a damn about me anyway. Why the heck should I feel bad for them? I'm probably just going insane with all these stress (stress that I put myself under), like Tyler. I'll just... let nature take its course and let the insanity flow onto me. It won't be long.
I am probably going to sound very insane and very emo in my following post, but, I don't care. I just don't understand anything. I'm... lost.
I asked myself just now in class, if it was just my own selfish thoughts, or if Chester and the others were really treating me differently than the others. It's like, I was just another classmate. I know Samuel and I had a recent argument, but Chester? Of all the people, I thought he'd be better. Instead, he's just... influenced, by Samuel. It's like he's a different person when he talks to Samuel.
Not that he's not supposed to be happy and should be filled with sadness every second of his life like a certain little emo freak writing this post... but, I just feel that even he was distancing me. I don't know. I just feel so... different.
I shouldn't think about them, it makes me sink into a deep depression. They don't give a damn about me anyway. Why the heck should I feel bad for them? I'm probably just going insane with all these stress (stress that I put myself under), like Tyler. I'll just... let nature take its course and let the insanity flow onto me. It won't be long.
Friday, January 22, 2010
I've been living in a fantasy. I had thought that I was going to have a great life ahead of this year. But no, one disaster after another started pouring in... and it's only January.
Yeah, I know, I have myself to blame... partially, too. But did anyone else that have hurt me stopped to consider that question, too? About how they played their parts in conjuring this one heap of chaos? Did they ever stop to talk and try and resolve the problem, of which they had contributed themselves, too? My parents, my friends... all very unwilling to save me as I sink deeper into the tar pit. Soon, I'll drown and die, and what's left of me would be just a numb mind ignoring the suffering without any care, without any feelings.
My Dad thinks I'm very lucky. He thinks that just because they don't beat me, they don't give me shit everyday like other parents, I should put on a smile everyday and be oh so happy and appreciative of my life. What the fuck do they know?
I've been living behind a mask of lies. I kidded myself into thinking just what my Dad had wanted me to think, that I'm happy, that I had everything I needed. Life was so simple and clear back then. Watch some movies, do my best in school, read some Spider-Man comics. There was no other purpose. I just did what I did in life just for the sake of doing it. I had a dream, yes, and that dream had required me to do well in school. But now... it seems so hard, so hard. I wanted to concerntrate in school just now, but the very prescence of those buggers annoyed me to no end. And my dream, heh, it's a silly dream after all. No one cares. It's impractical. Why do I have this dream of becoming a filmmaker in the first place anyway?
I don't know. I'm very confused right now. I don't know what to do. If only Din, Savio and those guys would accept me into their gang. At least I would have a little purpose left to live on and not jump off a building or some silly shit like that. As of right now, my parents hate me, I have no close friend in my life (not just school), I can't watch any movies at the cinema anymore because my funding's been cut, and I can't watch any movies on my computer anymore, either, because it's broken down (and I won't get my Mac White till next month).
There's only one chance for me to get some purpose out of my life. There's only one way for me to feel useful again. I need that CDC Scholarship. It's the only way I could get my fundings back again and get my life affiliated with movies once more. It's the only thing I could live for as of now. Pathetic, probably, but right now, it's survival for me. I'm just a line away from a mental breakdown.
And, I'll need God's help more than ever. Looks like I'm attending church this Sunday, for the first time in more than a decade. Will I finally set foot on the holy grounds once more? Or will I cower away again as I've always did whenever I made such a proposition (to return to church)? I know it isn't fair to God that I'm only returning to Him when I desperately need Him, but I know of no other actions I can take. Maybe... He's the one who had pushed me to Him.
Yeah, I know, I have myself to blame... partially, too. But did anyone else that have hurt me stopped to consider that question, too? About how they played their parts in conjuring this one heap of chaos? Did they ever stop to talk and try and resolve the problem, of which they had contributed themselves, too? My parents, my friends... all very unwilling to save me as I sink deeper into the tar pit. Soon, I'll drown and die, and what's left of me would be just a numb mind ignoring the suffering without any care, without any feelings.
My Dad thinks I'm very lucky. He thinks that just because they don't beat me, they don't give me shit everyday like other parents, I should put on a smile everyday and be oh so happy and appreciative of my life. What the fuck do they know?
I've been living behind a mask of lies. I kidded myself into thinking just what my Dad had wanted me to think, that I'm happy, that I had everything I needed. Life was so simple and clear back then. Watch some movies, do my best in school, read some Spider-Man comics. There was no other purpose. I just did what I did in life just for the sake of doing it. I had a dream, yes, and that dream had required me to do well in school. But now... it seems so hard, so hard. I wanted to concerntrate in school just now, but the very prescence of those buggers annoyed me to no end. And my dream, heh, it's a silly dream after all. No one cares. It's impractical. Why do I have this dream of becoming a filmmaker in the first place anyway?
I don't know. I'm very confused right now. I don't know what to do. If only Din, Savio and those guys would accept me into their gang. At least I would have a little purpose left to live on and not jump off a building or some silly shit like that. As of right now, my parents hate me, I have no close friend in my life (not just school), I can't watch any movies at the cinema anymore because my funding's been cut, and I can't watch any movies on my computer anymore, either, because it's broken down (and I won't get my Mac White till next month).
There's only one chance for me to get some purpose out of my life. There's only one way for me to feel useful again. I need that CDC Scholarship. It's the only way I could get my fundings back again and get my life affiliated with movies once more. It's the only thing I could live for as of now. Pathetic, probably, but right now, it's survival for me. I'm just a line away from a mental breakdown.
And, I'll need God's help more than ever. Looks like I'm attending church this Sunday, for the first time in more than a decade. Will I finally set foot on the holy grounds once more? Or will I cower away again as I've always did whenever I made such a proposition (to return to church)? I know it isn't fair to God that I'm only returning to Him when I desperately need Him, but I know of no other actions I can take. Maybe... He's the one who had pushed me to Him.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Ego Maniac
Alright, alright, call me a whiner, a complain king, unappreciative, emo, or whatever. The reason people hate emos is because they are jerks who blame everyone for their problems. I don't. I'm just saying. Reality check here. I'm just laying out the facts. I do have 5 contacts on my MSN, and I probably do have the least contacts on Facebook in the entire class. Both are equally factual, with the latter being a very high possibility, so you couldn't call me out on the paranoid factor.
I have a good life with good pals - I know. I know I shouldn't complain so much, but something today got me thinking about the differences I have. I know, I shouldn't compare. Comparing brings rage, right? I just wish there's something more in my life to live for, at least to remind me, for now, that I have a normal life. I hate being different. It feels lonley.
Sure, I have a bunch of monkey friends who I could hang out with everytime. lol I appreciate their friendship, but, sometimes, when I get settled down with them, I still find it awkward to join in their conversations. It's like I'm an extra piece of the puzzle. Shao Xiang, Samuel, and Chester are pretty much one team together. As for Jasper, he's got Guo Wei. I'm not jealous of anyone. I just...
I just wish Caleb, my Primary School bestfriend, wasn't as self-centered as I was back then, that Jordan, my Secondary School mate, would had stuck with me just a little longer for our friendship to grow, that Jason, my childhood playmate, would had been a little more sensitive (but that one's kinda my fault, since, he's like 2 years younger than I was), that Yong Yao, another Secondary School pal of mine, didn't gain the condition which affects his mind and speech today. All of them left my life, through one way or another. Most of the times, it was because of my own ego. Heh.
Only now do I try and correct things. Well, it seems to be a little too late. And you know, I haven't been doing a very good job 'correcting' things, either. I still have a pretty nasty temper and ego. Mid-life crisis? Try teenage life crisis. Perhaps I would meet other friends when I head out to work, but there would always be this shadow following me - sins of my past. Haunting me. Never leaving my side. You don't need a Police Record for that.
I just wish... for the chance to live like a teenager. To live my life happily, not having the need to tell people that I don't have any plans throughout the entire holiday because my friends - my only friends - are too busy hanging out with their much closer friends. Their bestfriends. Heh. The only thing I'm missing are pet kittens.
Maybe all I could do now is just ignore the bad things in my life and just live on, hoping, by some miraculous chance, I would be able to have a normal friendship like everybody else. A normal life, like everynody else. Lonley, my Facebook contact, was wrong. Being normal isn't boring. It's relaxing. You get to skim through every day, fitting in, without worrying about not being able to catch up with the rest of society.
I'm just a kid. I don't want to think about whether if other people are less fortunate than me, and how they are still able to remain happy, remain to have friends. True friends. They probably got people caring'bout them 'coz they got into some accident and turn famous overnight or something. I know, it's a selfish thought. How could I become so selfish, right? Well, to some of you, I was always selfish since you knew me in Primary School anyway. Heh. Whatever.
I'll just have to keep moving on, keep fighting this neverending war.
She's so... perfect. Maybe not entirely perfect, but, how could a guy like me stand a chance with a girl like her? Cute, talented, charming (even if she doesn't knows it). Not to mention modest. Or insecure, but still. At first look, she seems to have nothing to be insecure about. Heck, maybe I'm entirely wrong. Maybe she's not insecure at all. What's she got to be insecure about? She's brilliant. Her grades are great. Her work could almost match Iyaad's. Terrific.
Yeah, I'm probably risking her knowing my secret crush on her by posting Iyaad's name. But, I simply don't care anymore. A repetition of '08's V-Day disaster? Maybe. But, at least I know I won't be buying any roses this year.
I have a good life with good pals - I know. I know I shouldn't complain so much, but something today got me thinking about the differences I have. I know, I shouldn't compare. Comparing brings rage, right? I just wish there's something more in my life to live for, at least to remind me, for now, that I have a normal life. I hate being different. It feels lonley.
Sure, I have a bunch of monkey friends who I could hang out with everytime. lol I appreciate their friendship, but, sometimes, when I get settled down with them, I still find it awkward to join in their conversations. It's like I'm an extra piece of the puzzle. Shao Xiang, Samuel, and Chester are pretty much one team together. As for Jasper, he's got Guo Wei. I'm not jealous of anyone. I just...
I just wish Caleb, my Primary School bestfriend, wasn't as self-centered as I was back then, that Jordan, my Secondary School mate, would had stuck with me just a little longer for our friendship to grow, that Jason, my childhood playmate, would had been a little more sensitive (but that one's kinda my fault, since, he's like 2 years younger than I was), that Yong Yao, another Secondary School pal of mine, didn't gain the condition which affects his mind and speech today. All of them left my life, through one way or another. Most of the times, it was because of my own ego. Heh.
Only now do I try and correct things. Well, it seems to be a little too late. And you know, I haven't been doing a very good job 'correcting' things, either. I still have a pretty nasty temper and ego. Mid-life crisis? Try teenage life crisis. Perhaps I would meet other friends when I head out to work, but there would always be this shadow following me - sins of my past. Haunting me. Never leaving my side. You don't need a Police Record for that.
I just wish... for the chance to live like a teenager. To live my life happily, not having the need to tell people that I don't have any plans throughout the entire holiday because my friends - my only friends - are too busy hanging out with their much closer friends. Their bestfriends. Heh. The only thing I'm missing are pet kittens.
Maybe all I could do now is just ignore the bad things in my life and just live on, hoping, by some miraculous chance, I would be able to have a normal friendship like everybody else. A normal life, like everynody else. Lonley, my Facebook contact, was wrong. Being normal isn't boring. It's relaxing. You get to skim through every day, fitting in, without worrying about not being able to catch up with the rest of society.
I'm just a kid. I don't want to think about whether if other people are less fortunate than me, and how they are still able to remain happy, remain to have friends. True friends. They probably got people caring'bout them 'coz they got into some accident and turn famous overnight or something. I know, it's a selfish thought. How could I become so selfish, right? Well, to some of you, I was always selfish since you knew me in Primary School anyway. Heh. Whatever.
I'll just have to keep moving on, keep fighting this neverending war.
She's so... perfect. Maybe not entirely perfect, but, how could a guy like me stand a chance with a girl like her? Cute, talented, charming (even if she doesn't knows it). Not to mention modest. Or insecure, but still. At first look, she seems to have nothing to be insecure about. Heck, maybe I'm entirely wrong. Maybe she's not insecure at all. What's she got to be insecure about? She's brilliant. Her grades are great. Her work could almost match Iyaad's. Terrific.
Yeah, I'm probably risking her knowing my secret crush on her by posting Iyaad's name. But, I simply don't care anymore. A repetition of '08's V-Day disaster? Maybe. But, at least I know I won't be buying any roses this year.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Absence of Love
Something annoying happened yesterday. Well, more serious than annoying, but give me a break, I am not that good at post openings.
Last night, while I was enjoying myself away in front of my Dad's HP computer, a disturbance got my attention. All of a sudden, I heard my Dad saying another of his bad remarks about me - shi Ah Boon, this time ('shi' means, literally, 'death', and 'Ah Boon'... well, that's my nickname round the house - don't call me that at school if you know what's good for you). Thus, a fuse was sparked, and began the path to explosion.
Seconds later, I found my Dad charging into my room (my parents never knock on the door before entering, unlike a good, responsible, caring parents of Western society would) and calling me out to give my neighbor (whom my Dad had asked to repair my old Acer laptop) the password to the broken computer (which I had done so through writting the password on a piece of paper; God bless him if he couldn't even read a password 'coz he definitely wouldn't be able to repair anything at all). I got a bit annoyed because he had not been able to read the password I wrote clearly on a blank sheet of foolscap, and thus, the fuse continued flowing through the path of destruction.
Right after I opened my front door, I found that my front gate was locked. I closed the door (well, close to slamming, actually), my Dad gave me a look, I turned around and (beginning to raise my voice) told him that I was gonna grab the key to the gate and headed for my room (and finding out that my Dad had grabbed his own key after I came out of the room with mine).
My neighbor came out shortly after my Dad went and call for him in his apartment and told me that I needed a backup CD-ROM to make the repair. Being a guy that lost even his own IC once, the CD was, naturally, gone from my possession. So, I told him no, that I didn't have the backup CD. My Dad probably assumed that I lost it myself, which I might have, but... well, as you could see, my Dad's one that's always ready to jump into the worse conclusion. I wasn't looking very happy by then, and my neighbor, whom I usually smiled to whenever he greeted me (nice guy he was), could probably tell.
So, I headed back into the house, sorta slamming the door as I entered (sorta) and headed back to my room. Shortly after, one don't need to be Sherlock to figure out what happened next. My father came charging through (again) and asked for me to exchange back his laptop with my broken one.
Now, before I go on, there are a few factors I must lay out:
1. My old broken laptop could not allow me to install Adobe softwares for some damn technical reasons, while my father's one could. I would tell him that I needed the laptop for educational purposes, but he would either say that he don't care, or he would not had believed me. Either way, that was a damage to my current year in ITE, which I had hoped to do well, since it involves my interested subject.
2. Having a proper working laptop meant so much for me. It made me feel... normal, like everyone else in the class (well, maybe except Guo Wei, but I don't know if his computer's condition is as bad as mine, not having any sound support at all). It meant the end to my movie and anime viewing, both of which are very important activities in my life, to me.
So, what happened next? I got frustrated and raised my voice for good. The fuse reached its end. The bomb exploded. "Boom ka-boosh!" as Samuel would jokingly say if he is to care enough and read this post. I remarked that transferring the files from his computer back to mine would be a really tedious task. Naturally, he didn't care. And then, I don't remember much of what I did/said/replied, but I did remember that he lashed out a light push at me (not to mention flipping round some of my stuff on my desk). The feelings I gained afterward were panic, fear, and mostly anger.
Hence, I stood up and shouted that he dared to hit me. Well, only more than 15 minutes later did I realize that he didn't really hit me, hard. By then, the cops had arrived, of whom their calling my Dad had encouraged as I was dialing the numbers. I probably wouldn't stop even if my Dad didn't say anything, but, I would had probably figured out the consequence of my actions sooner rather than being pushed to such rashness.
When I was calm enough to realize what I had done, I did try calling off the cops by dialing the emergency hotline again (since I don't know the number to their non-emergency one). By then, it was too late. The cops came knocking on my door a minute after, contrary to what I had hoped for within those 60 seconds.
They came and record my statement (and my Dad's), gave me (and my Dad) some 'school counselor' advices before taking their leave. Naturally, my Dad had a lot more to say afterward. He kept on asking my Mum not to talk to me, to ignore me, like he wants to cut off all relationships I have with him, not that I care. I was just worried that it might mean my fundings (lunch money) might be affected. And, obviously, as I feared, he did make my financial life that much harder. I now have to pay for my own shit using those ten dollars on weekdays (he probably won't give me zitch on weekends anymore). EZ-Link card top-ups, haircuts, etc.
I opened up to my Mum yesterday (not because I still love her or some shit) because I wanted her to relay a message to my Dad (something I would regret 10 minutes ago), that I didn't call the cops on him because I wanted to scare him (as he had assumed) or some bullshit like that. I did call the Police because of the same reason (the obvious reason) the cops had assumed, that I was scared, that I was shaken up. When I slept last night, I had a little thought going on that my Dad would murder me at night, and I was thinking about how I was to endure Hell when I die (since I'm no Moses or Abraham). I guess I am quite thankful that I was able to go to school again in the morning, even though I assumed that I would be late for school, again.
School wasn't much fun either today. No one bothered to ask me about the incident last night. No one cared. No one gave a shit. Well, except my old Secondary School form teacher, Ms Ong, just few minutes ago through a PM on Facebook. Heh. I replied her with, "I just wish that my classmates (my parents, included, as sad as that is) are as mature as you are."
Ah well. Kids. Guess the proper choice of word should had been 'caring' rather than 'mature', but whatever.
Anyway, about my regret about me confiding in my Mum. My Mum is a... very confusing mother. I mean, I don't get what her deal is (except that she's kinda nuts, maybe... as much as I hate to write that). One minute, she would be nice, and the next, she would hurt me so much with her words. I feel no love from either of my parents (obvious fact in regards to my Dad). And, I feel no love for the world, either, 'coz to them, I'm just another guy. Friends? What friends? Acquaintances who talk to me from time to time, maybe. The bunch of guys I hang out with? Just some people I walk around with to pretend that I have a social life. Even Chester's been more distanced from me nowadays.
I'm glad that both Iyaad and Fared got closer to me nowadays, though. It was the gift from my actions on Facebook, when I went and conversed with them a little bit throughout the holiday. And, I'm glad I did. Iyaad's a really caring guy. Fared, too, but, not as much as Iyaad. :P lol
My new teacher for my new module in college, Mr. Kean (whom I'm not really 'keen' to meet lol), got us to do some silly flipbook animation today, which turned out to be funnier than I had expected. I did some guy who got struck by lightning, while the thunder cloud went off laughing. As for Roy Disney (I meant, MISTER Roy, Disney), he talked to us about a DJ assignment that we would be doing in the future. Tyler's not that 'Kean,' either. He claimed that it is annoying. Heh. Well, I tried and do that last month, for an event I tried to hold during Christmas (which I ultimately didn't due to my supreme laziness, and a lack of time due to all the Avatar viewings I had), so, it might be fun for me to actually do this. I would had gone up just now when the class called my name (boy, I felt good), but, I wanted Samuel to go along... which he didn't because he was too shy, something which I pretended to be as well. I don't know. I never really have much confidence myself in my life, and I ended up missing a number of opportunities that way, by being shy (though I wasn't that shy back in that lesson, I had gotten quite used to my class, let alone talking in front of them).
Kinda wished that Mr. Roy had highlighted my filmmaking interest just now, but, he missed me. Well, at least Chun An Wee Joshua didn't. He's been teasing me about that since yesterday. Ugh, yesterday at class. He didn't get to read finish my other hopes before I die. The second hope, being a world-renowned filmmaker, is something I would rather people remember me for, rather than 'liking Digimon'. Even though what I wrote was to adapt the Digimon anime into a live action movie, people are cynical, and tend to twist the facts, like Joshua seemingly did yesterday when he continuously shouted "DIGIMON! DIGIMON!" to me. I hate that guy. What a shallow prick. Seems that many across the globe, anime lovers included, have little appreciation for Digimon, oftenly mistaking it for ripping off Pokemon, even... which is the reason I hated the latter series for so long. Still, I appreciate the innocence of Pokemon, as with the innocence of many 'kiddie' shows - Disney films, in particular. It is that innocence that kept me sane and optimistic. Sure, it might had gotten me to be a little impractical at times, but hey, at least it's better than me turning completely emo.
Heh. But then again, what would be the point of this blog if I'm not partially that? :P
Boy, I miss watching Digimon. Haven't rewatched it for a few months, and I regret that. Now I have to watch it in school because there's no sound on my computer. Ah well. I'll squeeze some time to watch them. And maybe the new, upcoming episodes of Detective Conan, too. Hope my life could turn normal someday. I tried looking for a job at the Long John Silvers below my block just now... and I didn't get any positions. The computer gave a 'Red mark' after scanning my survey. Heh. Ah well. I hope I could find a job somewhere else. I have to, now, considering my Dad's cut-off. I have to get that Mac Book. I need to prove to myself that my life is not filled with bad luck, that the impossible goals in my life are possible to be achieved - if I just put enough effort into it. Because, if they aren't, how would I ever be able to convince Hollywood to let me make the dream of making it (H-wood) realize that creativeness is profitable (rather than just CGI diarrhea) come true?
Haven't written a post this long since Secondary School, Sec 3, year 3 (the 2nd year I was retained for the level). Most of you probably wouldn't read past paragraph 2, but for those who did, thanks for caring. If you could, leave a comment or two, so that I would know that at least there are more people around me that cares, and maybe I just don't know, or perhaps they've been too busy.
I'm gonna go read the Amazing Spider-Man comic book scans that I downloaded from the net now (after I take a small dump). Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll be able to finish my assignment for good. I really want to do good this year. I really do. I hope Mr. Roy realizes that, and, hopefully, Ms Wendy, too... if she cares.
Last night, while I was enjoying myself away in front of my Dad's HP computer, a disturbance got my attention. All of a sudden, I heard my Dad saying another of his bad remarks about me - shi Ah Boon, this time ('shi' means, literally, 'death', and 'Ah Boon'... well, that's my nickname round the house - don't call me that at school if you know what's good for you). Thus, a fuse was sparked, and began the path to explosion.
Seconds later, I found my Dad charging into my room (my parents never knock on the door before entering, unlike a good, responsible, caring parents of Western society would) and calling me out to give my neighbor (whom my Dad had asked to repair my old Acer laptop) the password to the broken computer (which I had done so through writting the password on a piece of paper; God bless him if he couldn't even read a password 'coz he definitely wouldn't be able to repair anything at all). I got a bit annoyed because he had not been able to read the password I wrote clearly on a blank sheet of foolscap, and thus, the fuse continued flowing through the path of destruction.
Right after I opened my front door, I found that my front gate was locked. I closed the door (well, close to slamming, actually), my Dad gave me a look, I turned around and (beginning to raise my voice) told him that I was gonna grab the key to the gate and headed for my room (and finding out that my Dad had grabbed his own key after I came out of the room with mine).
My neighbor came out shortly after my Dad went and call for him in his apartment and told me that I needed a backup CD-ROM to make the repair. Being a guy that lost even his own IC once, the CD was, naturally, gone from my possession. So, I told him no, that I didn't have the backup CD. My Dad probably assumed that I lost it myself, which I might have, but... well, as you could see, my Dad's one that's always ready to jump into the worse conclusion. I wasn't looking very happy by then, and my neighbor, whom I usually smiled to whenever he greeted me (nice guy he was), could probably tell.
So, I headed back into the house, sorta slamming the door as I entered (sorta) and headed back to my room. Shortly after, one don't need to be Sherlock to figure out what happened next. My father came charging through (again) and asked for me to exchange back his laptop with my broken one.
Now, before I go on, there are a few factors I must lay out:
1. My old broken laptop could not allow me to install Adobe softwares for some damn technical reasons, while my father's one could. I would tell him that I needed the laptop for educational purposes, but he would either say that he don't care, or he would not had believed me. Either way, that was a damage to my current year in ITE, which I had hoped to do well, since it involves my interested subject.
2. Having a proper working laptop meant so much for me. It made me feel... normal, like everyone else in the class (well, maybe except Guo Wei, but I don't know if his computer's condition is as bad as mine, not having any sound support at all). It meant the end to my movie and anime viewing, both of which are very important activities in my life, to me.
So, what happened next? I got frustrated and raised my voice for good. The fuse reached its end. The bomb exploded. "Boom ka-boosh!" as Samuel would jokingly say if he is to care enough and read this post. I remarked that transferring the files from his computer back to mine would be a really tedious task. Naturally, he didn't care. And then, I don't remember much of what I did/said/replied, but I did remember that he lashed out a light push at me (not to mention flipping round some of my stuff on my desk). The feelings I gained afterward were panic, fear, and mostly anger.
Hence, I stood up and shouted that he dared to hit me. Well, only more than 15 minutes later did I realize that he didn't really hit me, hard. By then, the cops had arrived, of whom their calling my Dad had encouraged as I was dialing the numbers. I probably wouldn't stop even if my Dad didn't say anything, but, I would had probably figured out the consequence of my actions sooner rather than being pushed to such rashness.
When I was calm enough to realize what I had done, I did try calling off the cops by dialing the emergency hotline again (since I don't know the number to their non-emergency one). By then, it was too late. The cops came knocking on my door a minute after, contrary to what I had hoped for within those 60 seconds.
They came and record my statement (and my Dad's), gave me (and my Dad) some 'school counselor' advices before taking their leave. Naturally, my Dad had a lot more to say afterward. He kept on asking my Mum not to talk to me, to ignore me, like he wants to cut off all relationships I have with him, not that I care. I was just worried that it might mean my fundings (lunch money) might be affected. And, obviously, as I feared, he did make my financial life that much harder. I now have to pay for my own shit using those ten dollars on weekdays (he probably won't give me zitch on weekends anymore). EZ-Link card top-ups, haircuts, etc.
I opened up to my Mum yesterday (not because I still love her or some shit) because I wanted her to relay a message to my Dad (something I would regret 10 minutes ago), that I didn't call the cops on him because I wanted to scare him (as he had assumed) or some bullshit like that. I did call the Police because of the same reason (the obvious reason) the cops had assumed, that I was scared, that I was shaken up. When I slept last night, I had a little thought going on that my Dad would murder me at night, and I was thinking about how I was to endure Hell when I die (since I'm no Moses or Abraham). I guess I am quite thankful that I was able to go to school again in the morning, even though I assumed that I would be late for school, again.
School wasn't much fun either today. No one bothered to ask me about the incident last night. No one cared. No one gave a shit. Well, except my old Secondary School form teacher, Ms Ong, just few minutes ago through a PM on Facebook. Heh. I replied her with, "I just wish that my classmates (my parents, included, as sad as that is) are as mature as you are."
Ah well. Kids. Guess the proper choice of word should had been 'caring' rather than 'mature', but whatever.
Anyway, about my regret about me confiding in my Mum. My Mum is a... very confusing mother. I mean, I don't get what her deal is (except that she's kinda nuts, maybe... as much as I hate to write that). One minute, she would be nice, and the next, she would hurt me so much with her words. I feel no love from either of my parents (obvious fact in regards to my Dad). And, I feel no love for the world, either, 'coz to them, I'm just another guy. Friends? What friends? Acquaintances who talk to me from time to time, maybe. The bunch of guys I hang out with? Just some people I walk around with to pretend that I have a social life. Even Chester's been more distanced from me nowadays.
I'm glad that both Iyaad and Fared got closer to me nowadays, though. It was the gift from my actions on Facebook, when I went and conversed with them a little bit throughout the holiday. And, I'm glad I did. Iyaad's a really caring guy. Fared, too, but, not as much as Iyaad. :P lol
My new teacher for my new module in college, Mr. Kean (whom I'm not really 'keen' to meet lol), got us to do some silly flipbook animation today, which turned out to be funnier than I had expected. I did some guy who got struck by lightning, while the thunder cloud went off laughing. As for Roy Disney (I meant, MISTER Roy, Disney), he talked to us about a DJ assignment that we would be doing in the future. Tyler's not that 'Kean,' either. He claimed that it is annoying. Heh. Well, I tried and do that last month, for an event I tried to hold during Christmas (which I ultimately didn't due to my supreme laziness, and a lack of time due to all the Avatar viewings I had), so, it might be fun for me to actually do this. I would had gone up just now when the class called my name (boy, I felt good), but, I wanted Samuel to go along... which he didn't because he was too shy, something which I pretended to be as well. I don't know. I never really have much confidence myself in my life, and I ended up missing a number of opportunities that way, by being shy (though I wasn't that shy back in that lesson, I had gotten quite used to my class, let alone talking in front of them).
Kinda wished that Mr. Roy had highlighted my filmmaking interest just now, but, he missed me. Well, at least Chun An Wee Joshua didn't. He's been teasing me about that since yesterday. Ugh, yesterday at class. He didn't get to read finish my other hopes before I die. The second hope, being a world-renowned filmmaker, is something I would rather people remember me for, rather than 'liking Digimon'. Even though what I wrote was to adapt the Digimon anime into a live action movie, people are cynical, and tend to twist the facts, like Joshua seemingly did yesterday when he continuously shouted "DIGIMON! DIGIMON!" to me. I hate that guy. What a shallow prick. Seems that many across the globe, anime lovers included, have little appreciation for Digimon, oftenly mistaking it for ripping off Pokemon, even... which is the reason I hated the latter series for so long. Still, I appreciate the innocence of Pokemon, as with the innocence of many 'kiddie' shows - Disney films, in particular. It is that innocence that kept me sane and optimistic. Sure, it might had gotten me to be a little impractical at times, but hey, at least it's better than me turning completely emo.
Heh. But then again, what would be the point of this blog if I'm not partially that? :P
Boy, I miss watching Digimon. Haven't rewatched it for a few months, and I regret that. Now I have to watch it in school because there's no sound on my computer. Ah well. I'll squeeze some time to watch them. And maybe the new, upcoming episodes of Detective Conan, too. Hope my life could turn normal someday. I tried looking for a job at the Long John Silvers below my block just now... and I didn't get any positions. The computer gave a 'Red mark' after scanning my survey. Heh. Ah well. I hope I could find a job somewhere else. I have to, now, considering my Dad's cut-off. I have to get that Mac Book. I need to prove to myself that my life is not filled with bad luck, that the impossible goals in my life are possible to be achieved - if I just put enough effort into it. Because, if they aren't, how would I ever be able to convince Hollywood to let me make the dream of making it (H-wood) realize that creativeness is profitable (rather than just CGI diarrhea) come true?
Haven't written a post this long since Secondary School, Sec 3, year 3 (the 2nd year I was retained for the level). Most of you probably wouldn't read past paragraph 2, but for those who did, thanks for caring. If you could, leave a comment or two, so that I would know that at least there are more people around me that cares, and maybe I just don't know, or perhaps they've been too busy.
I'm gonna go read the Amazing Spider-Man comic book scans that I downloaded from the net now (after I take a small dump). Hopefully, tomorrow, I'll be able to finish my assignment for good. I really want to do good this year. I really do. I hope Mr. Roy realizes that, and, hopefully, Ms Wendy, too... if she cares.
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