The Cold Net and Hope

What a weird period of time it has been for me. I got obsessed with anime - something which I didn't give much damn about back then - I began interacting more with philosophy just for the fun of it - rather than just for the sake of gaining a higher level of intellect - and I removed my ego to beg. Heh.

Probably the toughest act I could have ever done. Well, maybe not. When you are as desperate as I was back there, you would've probably found it easy to beg, too, even if you are a big egoistical prick like me.

I'm still slacking in terms of my academic. I know, I know, it ain't gonna go well for me if I keep this up. I just... need something. Like a sign. The proper sign to get me going.

Recently joined the forum of MyAnimeList (though I first used it a year ago). Recently got banned from it. Was told that it's not a permanent ban after I begged the Hell outta a moderator to confirm it with me. Probably would my ban to six months for annoying the Hell outta her. Admins and Mods of forums with their obsession with power. Go figure.

I was a mod of a Chatbox once, so I could relate. It drives you to be irresponsible when you have this much power, especially tempting when there are not many consequences out there when you abuse it. Nobody gives a damn. It's the fucking Internet. Live with it, Mr. James. Welcome to the fucking Internet.

I'd probably still be brooding over when the ban is gonna end. After one month. Or two months. Or three. I'd look out for a hope that would probably never come. Yet, I was given hope, so I'd look out for it.

Hope is much more comforting than the truth, after all. And I sorta know what the truth is.

That mod was probably just bullshitting with me. But I'll remain hopeful, just for the sake of it. I'll be doubtful every now and then, but I'll entrust Him, the man above, to carry me along this trying period. I'm not the average kind of Christian you'd find, but you know that I do believe. Just... we all need time. I just hope it won't be too late when I finally connect with you.

With that, I look out for a hopeful holiday. Hope all things would go well.

Hopefully.